Ode to the chemically imbalanced.

So, I suppose I should explain myself a little more rather than post a cryptic tattoo shot with my death wish to jump out of an airplane (which, by the way, is not related to any drama- I just have always wanted to do it). PVille (now Empty Soul) and I never really officially went our separate ways. Although, looking back, that should have been the first thing I did when he came back. Actually, the first thing I should have done was tell him to go fuck himself when I first met him. Hindsight is always 20/20.

In an effort to report this issue as fair and balanced as I can, I'm just going to give you the straight facts. Followed by commentary. I admit, this post may go a little into Fox News territory when it comes to reporting the truth. Like always, bear with me.

Empty Soul's excuse was that he was not ready for a relationship. That it wasn't me, it was him. I said I would wait until he was because, stupid stupid hormonal girl that I am, I actually just thought that meant "our timing isn't right now, but maybe in a month or two."

Guys who are reading this, I understand what this all was. This was all guy talk for "I don't like you." Which I had my guesses about before, and when I asked him for a straight answer- just to tell me straight out so I could go on with my life, he said that it "wasn't the case." Ok, was I wrong to ask flat out what our status was? And why couldn't he just say "It's not working with you, I don't really have any feelings for you at all, go about your life." Why, knowing that I have strong strong feelings for him, would he string me along? Help, please?

A couple of weeks ago, I had asked if he had any spare time in his busy schedule of working a crap job and being with his son that we could possibly go out. He said he'd try. I trusted him when he said he was busy and backed off.

So................. Friday night he comes right out and tells me he has a date. With someone else. Who is not me. Because, in all of his busy busy time, he could not find a few minutes to say "I don't think we should see each other because I don't like you." (I'm not made of glass, I would have rather he told me that, it wasn't like I was going to shatter). But instead he found enough time to take someone else out. Which really, I don't care. (Although, I flipped out on Friday, but that was because this all hit me like a tidal wave). But why, why when I ask you if you like me or not, why when I just want the truth, can you guys not give it? Girls are stronger than you all give us credit for. Straightforward-ness gets you a lot.

So those are the facts of the situation. And yes, I had a really really really low point in calling him a million times and begging him to come over because I was distraught. It was pathetic and horrible and I cringe to think that I went that craz-o. I didn't get any sleep, I still haven't eaten that much. I made myself physically ill. The next day, instead of talking to me and explaining, he basically texted me with "Do not ever contact me again." Also with "You are crazy, you have an acidic tongue and violent moodswings."

I may have a sharp tongue, but most people wouldn't categorize it as acidic. Also, I may be crazy- but that is the pot calling the kettle not only black, but round and useful for boiling water. I have an email that supports this fact.

So, that's where we are. I would feel bad for the millions of calls and hurtful things I said if he had shown any sympathetic bone in his body (thereby attributing the new moniker Empty Soul- thank you, Kalyn). Since he didn't, I see now why he is where he is in his life and I am where I am in mine. IF that makes any sense at all. A lesser person would post the emails that he wrote and remind everyone of the things he used to say... but I'm going to salvage any dignity I have left and let it go.

After watching Rush Limbaugh's ignorant and trite speech at the CPAC convention this weekend, I realized an important life lesson: playing their game isn't worth it.

I know that I overreacted. I know I overreact for a lot of things. I know that I probably could use a Xanax every once in awhile and the things I say are pretty awful, things that I don't really mean after a day. If I could go back and change Friday, I would have let this all go then. However, like my mom says, God never throws us anything we can't handle. Maybe this was just what I needed to find the strength to get up and say "fuck off."