Southside.

Here's a sign of age:

You know when you're driving along in your car and all of a sudden a grrrreat song comes on from when you were in your glory days in high school or at college and you're all, "Yeah, yeah! I love this song. Good tune, gooooood tune" and you go to turn it up (perhaps in an effort to recapture how you felt at 18 or something), and you start singing... only to realize that you don't really know any of the words? But you keep singing over them, changing mid lyric so that there's some resemblance to the correct one or continuing on with the wrong verse? And by the end, you pat yourself on the back because you feel cool like you just fit back into your high school jeans, even though you still managed to fuck up every single word...

I think that happened to me today.

Lonely Hearts Club. (the original soundtrack.)

Yeah, yeah- I'm temporarily back. I've been a little distracted as of late between looking for Boston apartments, trying to figure out the mindfuck that is "Lost," and tax season (which is done for me as of 9:00 am EST this morning- I like to file ASAP). In all of this I decided to create a Valentine's Day mix. Originally for PVille guy, meant only as a "Here's some cool music in the form of a cheap homemade mix cd to tell you on this Valentine's Day that I enjoy occasionally having sex with you when I'm bored." Although the less interested (read: more bored) I become with him, the more I seem to be making this cd for my own benefit to assure the fact that I can still organize good songs that share a similar theme into a cohesive playlist with a rise and fall, blending together effortlessly. Alanna has perfected this art and only a couple of my efforts ("Going Home for Turkey Day 2003" and "Miami Graduation Present/Goodbye Alamo") have come close to a seamless compilation.

The goal of the mix cd/tape (depending on how old you are) is to make the recipient listen to the whole cd without wanting to skip ahead or turn it off. Also, it should be said that the art of the mixed tape is oft abused by mopey boyfriends and horny college frat boys (who think that any combination of DMB, John Mayer, Guster, and whatever the college band du jour is will get them laid). Case in point, a friend of ours at Miami of Ohio asked if Alanna would craft a "lovemaking" cd for him and his girlfriend (one of our other roommates). In an act of rebellion and disgust (and an earlier example of an exercise in childish behavior), we "accidently" slipped "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails to "spice" up the moment with his virginal girlfriend. Nothing says love me tender like "I wanna fuck you like an animal." *

So, getting back to me- it's still a work in progress but here's what I got so far (with accompanying liner notes):

1. "Sometime Around Midnight" by the Airborne Toxic Event (it's awesome)

2. "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band (which I really debated on due to its college dorm room feel)

3. "Satellite" also by Dave Matthews Band (because it's my favorite song- sorry, but I still have some Miami girl left in me, also when this was originally for PVille guy it was important because that's his favorite band)

4. "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional (I heard this song on "Scrubs."  I liked it. This does not, NOT, mean I like the band.)

5. "Put A Little Love In It" by Ike Reilly

6. "Commie Drives A Nova" also by Ike Reilly (ok, I understand that one of the unspoken rules of mixes is to try to not repeat artists but I love both of these songs and think they add some levity to the whole cd. also, If i need to cut somebody, then I can choose between the two).

7. "Squeezebox" by the Who (again, another PVille guy reference because he hates them but I think this song is funny and somewhat relevant to the bra size I wear).

8. "Every Little Thing She Does" by the Police(an addition made after thinking I didn't want to give this cd away. this song makes me happy)

9. "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon (title self explanatory)

10. "Good Feeling" by Violent Femmes. (to give myself indie "street cred". also love it because it is marshall and lily's "song" on "how i met your mother.")

12. "Don't Panic" by Coldplay (not exactly a love song, but definitely an important track on the soundtrack of Pville and I)

13. "All I Want Is You" by U2.  (it's not Valentine's Day without Bono.  it's not meloncholy without Ireland).

14. "La La Love Song" by the Pixies.  (I love the Pixies.  That is all.  Actually, "Where Is My Mind" would have made more sense in it's nonsense, if you can make sense of that.)

15.  "Lovesong" by the Cure.  (again, Valentine's Day + Melancholy.)

Like I said, it's still a work in progress (I have 14 days + to go so I'm not worried).  As for who gets it, maybe PVille Guy but probably not.  I totally want to use the above piece as cover art.  The site listed below is where I'm still finding inspiration:

Indie Selections for Your Erection

Any thoughts???

*I apologize for the amount of " " in that sentence- now I feel like that guy everyone hates who always uses them in casual conversation.

Nothing.

....aaaaaaaaaaand I got nothing.

Sorry, folks. I'm tragically uninspired today. All of my "Lost" presupposing really got in the way of my creativity.

I told you I'm crazy.

“So we can go back and kill Hitler?” to which Dr. Chang shot back, “Please…there are rules. Rule #1 - You can’t go back and kill Hitler. Everyone was always like ‘oh, let’s go kill Hitler’ and we were never getting any work done, so we banned that one right off the bat.”- bwe.tv recap by Dan Hopper.

I know, I know. I keep making "Lost" posts. BECAUSE IT WAS THAT GOOD. Here are my reflections from the episode:

In a totally non-BWE.tv Lost Recap related statement, Alanna joked that it was "Weekend At Bernies 2k9."

Ben and Jack's bromance is both pretty gosh darn cute and alarming. Especially how 1) Ben flushed his pills and 2) stuck up for him ("The man's been through a lot!") in the end.

Sun is one manipulative beeeeotch. ("I don't blame you" while thinking "You bitch, you are the real reason my Jin is dead. YOU YOU YOU.)

I love that Sawyer is so desperate to get a shirt on. You love it, you know Juliet is checking you out. Admit it. Seriously, he was just short of breaking out into an all out Chippendale's routine last night.

Is there anything more adorable than Hurley? Especially that scene with his madre.

HOLY CRAP, THERE'S THAT DAMN DOG.

That annoying guy is too annoying. He's so gonna die.

Hmmm, Dr. Hanso is oriental. So is Miles. So is Dr. Hanso's woman. And there's a baby in the beginning. Coincidence?

Does anyone care that Claire is still missing? Anyone?

Aaaaaaaand whadya know, that annoying guy died (in a totally "Troy"/"Braveheart"/every historical battle movie you've ever scene way).

The commentary in the pre-show recap was priceless. "Jack's an unhappy guy. He's grown this horrible beard. So you can pretty much guess he's unhappy."

And could someone please tell me why the hell Michelle Rodriguez (as dead AnaLucia) is giving Hurley advice to "not get arrested?" Hello, kettle? Pot calling.

That's all. Oh, and that it was literally the best two hours of my life. LITERALLY.

"So where's all this change, Obama?"

Not to continue on the political tip, because there are much better sites for that, but I have to say that I really love the guys at 23/6. I'm going to have to cast my vote for "Where's all the new jobs? Mine still sucks."

Although I really do miss being smarter than the President.

Heavy.

ALANNA: "They could really use a Doc Brown on that island."

ME: "That would be the most amazingly retarded thing ever. As in both amazing and completely ridiculous. And therefore they must do it. It will be the happiest day of my life."

If you saw "Lost," I'm sure that in a way this makes sense to you. If not, it was AWESOME.

I must confess.

Since this blog was started in November (long after it ended its fourth season), I have had no need to let you all in on this:

Ready?

I'm obsessed with "Lost." Pretty much to the point where I watch episodes of "Intervention" and think, Gee, I know how that feels! (only with less Meth and more Sawyer). So you can imagine how incredibly psyched I am that it premieres its fifth season tonight on ABC (international fans, sorry- I think you guys are like only on season 3 or something). I'm pretty much forcing myself to sit down and actually do work today in an effort not to jump around and do kartwheels. Let's face it, this is the highlight of my month (you know, besides Obama and all that). So, in no particular order, I thought I would tell you the rules that I have imposed on my home on this particular night of nights:

1. You do not talk during "Lost." This one is directed at YOU, Mom. (actually, this rule is a revamped version of the Symmes Hall "Alias" Act of 2001 from Miami University).

2. No questions. Really just an addition to rule #1. If you don't understand something, watch the DVDs. I really just cannot explain everything to you and hope that you'll understand.

3. No criticizing "Lost" before, during, or after broadcast. It pretty much goes without saying that this is the best written show (EVER) when it comes to plot, character development, and complexity so your nitpicking will not change that.

4. No phone calls. This one is for you DAD. I don't really care about the weather in Arizona.

5. No boys, no drama. There is no gossip time during "Lost" nor are there any problems with boys. For one hour a week, there are no man issues. They only serve as a distraction from the real issue at hand: What the hell is with the four-toed foot?

Lord knows, I love a lot of TV. However, "Lost" is just something more than TV. And for the next 5 months (or however long the season runs), "Lost" is life.

I've invested four years of my life in this show- much longer than any relationship, job, or house I've ever lived in as an adult. With two seasons left, I shall give it my undivided attention.

I'm sure this post has only confirmed that I am a crazy person.

"It's a beautiful day."

"America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

Happy Obama Day to you!

Current Events.

TEXT FROM ME: "All those people on the plane survive the same week as Obama becomes president. Coincidence? Let the miracles begin! No one is going to die this year!"

TEXT FROM ALANNA: "What plane?"

ME: "Dude, turn on the TV."

ALANNA: "WHOA."

Things to do in Ohio when it's below 0... (part 1)

I told you I would try and get more drinks out here.

Here is my "Geauga County Snow-ball" (a new take on the traditional whiskey highball)

2 oz blended whiskey
carbonated water
1 twist lemon peel

and here's the best part, REAL GEAUGA COUNTY SNOW!*


Pour blended whiskey into a highball glass over snow. Fill with carbonated water and stir. Add the twist of lemon peel and serve.

*Only real Geauga County snow works for this. You could try Upstate New York varieties for a similar smoothness and taste, however I suggest you get the original shipped.

SAT Words.

I recently realized that after all of the wasted time obsessing over the John situation, the many chemicals I use to get that "flat and shiny" look for my hair, and the hours of "90210" reruns I've watched in an effort to distract myself from said John situation, I've killed my brain. This isn't like "after four years of college maybe I killed some brain cells," this is like "I don't remember state capitals and I am quickly losing my once extensive (see, that's not even a really good word to use here!) vocabulary that I enjoyed in high school, oh God am I senile already?" brain-mush.

That being said* from now on, in an effort to retain what has been lost, I will be doing vocabulary words every month (or whenever I remember to do them). Ironically, this was my least favorite part of junior year honors English. Now, as I struggle to write your basic "strongly worded email" to my insurance company, I see what Mr. Siedlecki's point was.

Here are your January 2009 words and sample sentences.

1. excogitate: The idea that Heidi and Spencer are celebrities excogitates from the idea that "The Hills" is a popular show.

2. ruminate: I ruminated my gum. (Ah, it works word snobs- look it up!)

3. maudlin: Many accused me of being maudlin after John and I had our falling out.

4. lachrymose: It's true, I was a little lachrymose.

5. adept: Sarah Palin is very adept at making herself look like a churl.

6. sagacious (sagacity): I wish I was sagacious, but I'm just aloof.

7. sapient: Barack Obama won the election because of his sapient nature and dulcet speaking tone.

8. sybaritic: I would love to find a man who can keep up with my sybaritic lifestyle.

9. epicurean: My epicurean nature makes it ok to get wasted on good wine.

10. choleric: I have a choleric temperament due to Republicans and Evangelists.

11. irascible: Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's FCOG. Lately I've been pretty irascible.

12. churl: Sarah Palin.

*"That being said" is my favorite transition of all time. You could basically create any non sequitur you choose with it. "I think you are a fat idiot. That being said, I'm hungry for pancakes." Also, it makes insults sound less, I don't know, insulting. "You're lazy, worthless, and you have shamed this family for years. That being said, I think you are wonderful dancer." Although I use it to do none of these things here and I am now only realizing that just because you can make a humorous point, doesn't mean you should do it. I thought maybe I should go back and choose a different transition but then I realized I'm tired and it's snowing and while it doesn't prove my point, it still works in this situation. SEE WHAT I MEAN? I'VE LOST MY MIND.

Smart: it's the new Hot. (And neurotic is the new charming.)

I wonder what they named the dog?

This is going with the "Man sells daughter for cash, beer, and meat" story from yesterday. What is with the horrific parenting plague sweeping America lately?

I mean, come on. Raising a kid is not hard. Make sure you have a fenced in yard, newspaper on the floor, and plenty of water in their dish. Am I right?

Paparazzi.

While the rest of the world is obsessing over Britney's "comeback," Kelly Clarkson's new single, and Christina Aguilera's Target Commercial, this chick keeps pumping out BRILLIANT pop songs. BRILLiant. It could be because this song was used in the Hamptons episode of "Gossip Girl" with a kiss between Serena and Nate (and for those who watch this show, I think it's time that Serena and Nate reunited. I'm so bored of Dan "Pansey" Humphrey). It could be because the beat is just awesome and I can't help not to start dancing at my desk. I don't know. All I know is that this song is hypnotic. AND I LOVE IT.

I'm sorry, but I had to post this song. I don't want to post songs because that's ripping on Chez's thing over at DeusExMalcontent.com (and really, I agree with him 99% of the time). However, I think if you like pop music, then you should listen to Lady Gaga.

Oh, and I totally think that Aguilera ripped off her style.

Today on MSN.com...

Does anyone see anything wrong with this? Like say the top story of the hour?

David Letterman used to have a segment on his show called "Is this something?"

Yes, this is definitely something.

Leaving on a Jet Plane.

Putting all fears of dying in a fiery crash aside, I will be taking a much needed break back "home" to Boston. I say home because until I was 11, this is the general region in which I lived before my parents sat me down and said "It's not your fault, but mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore" (and thus sending me into a downward spiral of daddy issues and intimacy problems, but I digress). I will be there for four days the first weekend of February and therefore not posting anything. So to the ten of you, I think you can survive.

I'm currently struggling with my transportation issues. I admit that I'm a terrible driver. I also admit that Massachusetts is known for two things: taxes and bad drivers (and the Red Sox, and Cheers, and Sam Adams, and Paul Revere, etc). So, it will be interesting to see how this all... plays out.

So excited to see all the Rowes (people who share my DNA AND my last name!)

At the Movies... again!

Ok so, as I previously mentioned the Golden Globes were on on Sunday. This year, there is an interesting array of fare that harbors on the side of unconventional when it comes to what is considered "the best." For example, "Slumdog Millionaire," as Dan Hopper of BWE.tv points out, was neither "historical nor gay nor three hours long". It's about Indians. In Mumbai. "The Wrestler" stars someone that should be dead by now and Marisa Tomei. And that annoying as hell girl that dated Marilyn Manson.

I live in Ohio. While I would love to see these movies, I simply do not have the time or patience to drive to the Cedar Lee theater and chance getting my car stolen. So I have to pick and choose my battles when it comes time for awards season (and that's usually based, like how I pick up men, on first impressions).

"Slumdog Millionaire." Not interested, not about white people. (Of course I'm kidding. I'm not interested because it's about FOREIGNERS).

"The Wrestler." Who is Mickey Rourke? I'm told he had a career in the early nineties? I don't like wrestling so that's a con. But I DO like strippers. So that's a plus. Hmmm.

"The Reader." Looks like a downer. "The problem with doing a Holocaust film is there's no gag reel on the DVD, is there?"- Ricky Gervais

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." The title is already long enough. I'm bored.

"Revolutionary Road." It's Jack and Rose had they gotten married! Um, why are they yelling so much in the trailer?

"Rachel Getting Married." Can someone please tell Anne Hathaway that she's boring me? Thanks.

"Dark Knight." Two words: Woo and a hoo. Loved. It.

"Wall-E." Umm, can we say Best Motion Picture of the Year? Cause I just did suckas!

"Milk." This movie looks so uplifting! A gay man in office! It's the feel good movie of the year, I'm sure it has a happy ending! Wait... What?

"Vicky Christina Barcelona." Try "Vicky Christina Boring."

"Frost/Nixon." Other than the funniness in the trailer ("What did you do last night? Did you do any FORNICATING?" Oh, tricky Dick...) and the big gasp moment ("When the president does it, it's not illegal!"), I'm just not motivated.

"Doubt." I doubt it. No, for real, this is the only movie that has me somewhat intrigued. I think the Catholic Church is an interesting institution and that nuns are quite complex characters, what with giving up men for God and all. I like Amy Adams and I like Meryl Streep and I love Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So... maybe.

"Changeling." Again, I think the best parts of this movie are in the preview. SO... that saved me $8.50 right there.

Movies for sure avoided: 10 (at 8.50/ticket- current rate in Ohio)
Money saved: $85.00 (that's my cell phone bill, a new pair of pants, or a really nice Coach wristlet bag)

So, as you can see, when it comes to the cinema I have the refined tastes of a 13 year old boy. Only three of these movies have actually made it to our local theaters and I'm sure you can guess which ones I'm talking about. Cleveland is just not a big market for film... an idea that should be tipped off by the fact that the only time celebrities come here is if the Cavs are in the playoffs. Which by the looks of it this year, we're gonna get lucky.

(Honestly, it's really funny to see West 6th turn into Robertson Blvd. Two years ago, Eva Longoria, Jack Nicholson, Beyonce, and Jay Z all forced smiles as they endured our "nightlife.")

This girl is smiling because:

CRAZ-O

A: She just realized her Mac at work has this fun thing called PhotoBooth and is contemplating all of the awesome X-rated possibilities.

B: She's not really smiling, just working on her "crazy eyes."

C: She's thinking about how wonderful Neil Patrick Harris was on SNL ("And thrust, thrust, thrust... double time!")

D: She just got a job as Snow White at Disney World and can't wait to get the hell out of Ohio and all this snow.

E: She is trying to figure out whether to use "Your" or "You're."

(Yes, that's your crazy heroine du jour in the picture. Do I look FAT?!)

Guaranteed to get you a man in 90 days or less.*

As much as I would like to not restrain the snark on this particular post, last night I couldn't help but try and condense years of horrific dating experience/thousands spent on Cosmo and Glamour into 10 generalities that every single girl should probably know. Pretty much, after all this time, this comes down to a list of lessons from mistakes I made and shall not make again (or at least try not to make again). I swear to God, if any of you fuckers steal this and write a relationship book I will come after you. :)

1. Be yourself. Obvious, yes. Do people do it? No. I changed myself completely because I thought certain people would like me more (JOHN). The truth is you are stuck with yourself for many years so don't compromise YOU because you think a guy is worth it. If you must change, then change for the better and become the best, most smiley and upbeat version of yourself. Be articulate and make interesting points. Don't dumb yourself down.

2. Jump in With Both Feet. You will date many men in your lifetime. Unless you found your soul mate out of high school or college, which does happen but not always (good for you if you did). Chances are, your heart will be eviscerated and smashed and put in a blender until there's nothing left. But here's the tough part: You can't let that scare you away from the next guy. You have to figure out a way to move on (and you will, I promise).

3. Date "losers." This was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend last night. You really cannot have a list of requirements for potential mates. Some girls do have high standards and there is nothing really wrong with that, but don't rule someone out because they don't make a lot of money or they didn't go to college. If a guy works hard and he's honest and genuinely fun to talk to, he deserves a chance- and at the very least, a conversation.

4. Don't Look for a Husband. Now, I make no guarantees with any of this. I'm just telling you what will help you out in the long run and give you peace of mind so you don't have to beat yourself up. Charlotte York was on a quest for a husband in "Sex and The City," and I have to say it was a pretty annoying storyline. Not only did she end up with a dysfunctional marriage, but she had unrealistic goals and deadlines set for herself (ultimately causing her to almost lose her second husband). Looking for a husband really only sets yourself up for failure not to mention scares of the opposite sex (men, by nature, are commitment-phobes and slow as snails when it comes to any kind of long term relationship). Don't rush things that are good. Just take your time and the rest will fall into place. Besides, marriage should not be the goal- love should be.

5. Don't play damsel and stop looking for your knight. Girls who need to be rescued are a novelty. Once your rescued, it will all get really old really quickly. Be a strong person, change your own tires and fix your own lights- or at least know how to dial up a professional who can. Girls who fall into the damsel role so easily (and at times, I have fallen into this category, too) start to take advantage of it. And men will see right through it.

6. Say yes. This is hard for a lot of women who want to be seen as strong and independent. Strong and independent is good, but it can also come off bitchy. Say yes if he wants to hang out. Say yes if he wants to play pool (which, ugh, I hate). Say yes if he wants to see a stupid movie that you have no desire to see (Hello, "Bangkok Dangerous"? Yeah, ummNO). As long as it isn't something that will make you feel totally uncomfortable (I completely understand, and actually support, saying no to a 5-way orgy with a goat and a gallon of Canola Oil), there's no harm in trying something.

7. Smile. I know this sounds like a pageant mom's advice for her four year-old. However, it's probably the easiest thing you can do to make yourself more attractive (Didya know that in advertisements clock hands are set to the 10 and 2 to form a smile because it is a more attractive shape?) This is one I had to learn the hard way. I have a big mouth with full lips, as does my sister. When we don't smile (ie, plain work face), we look like we are scowling (as we have been told many a times by our thin-lipped mother). So I have learned to keep some degree of a happy face in social gatherings. Now, I'm not talking like Joker grin... but just something that makes you approachable.

8. Be Your Own Person. I was taught this by my twelfth grade English teacher, Miss Delassandro. However, I didn't realize it until my last long term relationship. She was criticizing "Jerry Maguire" and the famous "You complete me" line he says to Renee Zelweger in the end. "You shouldn't want someone to complete you. You should be complete on your own." It's really true. And sadly, it takes some people years and years of marriage to figure it out. You should be a fully developed and stable person, able to exist on your own and self-sustain, before you take someone on in your life. Otherwise, when that person goes away, there will be a big hole left and it will cause a vacuum effect. Trust me when I say that's really hard to come out of.

9. Be clean. Really this is just housekeeping. Always be clean. Take showers before dates. Don't do drugs. Don't go on "Rock of Love: Bus." Don't drink a lot (rule of thumb: don't get so drunk that you can't get home on your own volition). Brush your teeth. Don't kiss someone after you puke. Make sure you get tested for HIV and other fun STDs. Take pride in your appearance. This isn't shallow, it's just a function of being a human. Really, no one wants to date the smelly girl with vomit in her greasy hair.

10. And finally, care of Ludacris via Usher's "Yeah": Be a lady in the street but a freak in the bed. While I do believe that this is self-explanatory, allow me to elaborate. Guys want a girl they take home to mom. They don't want one of Bret Michaels's rejects or someone who should be on "Charm School." Those girls are fun to look at, ogle, have a quickie with in the bathroom, but they aren't "Hey, meet my parents" material. So, don't hook up with Bret Michaels in a bathroom or do porn with a midget (really, any porn is not a good idea) if you want to have a relationship with a decent man. And no, Flava Flav, Chance, Real, and Bret do not count as "decent."
Second part of this, the "that being said" transition: behind closed doors, go crazy. As long as you are both consenting and conscious, I say have a lot of fun. Keep it between you and him. It's worth it. He doesn't want to hear about things you've done with other people and really, he doesn't want you broadcasting it to everyone either. I know it's the Madonna/whore complex but it's true. Men like the appearance of their wives to be sweet and classy while their mistresses are whorey and slutty. So your goal is to find the balance between the two. I know, it's not fair. But guys are stupid and have very banal brains.

So, that was my crack at relationship advice as shotty and half-assed as it may be. Guys, feel free to disagree or add to any of this.

*I make no guarantees about any of this working.

Race relations today.

I LOVE TRACEY MORGAN.

"Welcome to post-racial America! I am the face of post-racial America. Deal with it, Cate Blanchett! We'd like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press ... especially me, 'cause a black man can't get no love at the Emmys. I love you, Europe! That's what's up!"

-Tracey Morgan with the best acceptance speech of the night. (Props to Ricky Gervais' Holocaust gag reel reference and Seth Rogen's "doing coke with Mickey Rourke" quip for the presenters- because really, that sounds like an awesome time) (and also, Kate Winslet for "Oh God what's the other one's name?" in re: to ubiquitous Jolie).*

And since we are, apparently, approaching post-racial America, I would like to share with you my new favorite website. Ever. (I'm just going to start adding Ever to the ends of things and hope that BWE.tv accepts my application for part-time writer).

Here's White Whine.

*Texts with Alanna (as we watched the WHOLE thing together via texting):

ME: "Hey Tracey's had a lot to drink...Let's let him accept the award."
ALANNA: That actually went a lot better than I would have thought.

Define 'Dancing'.

As we enjoy the circus that is Awards season and do retrospectives of the best of 2008, I would just like to share what I believe to be one of the most beautiful scenes* from the whole year. Seriously, this movie had me breathless throughout the whole thing. Once again, Pixar knocked it out of the park with "Wall-E."

Sorry that the clip is ripped-off from YouTube and you could probably get better quality by actually buying the movie.

*This scene left me with the same feeling that I had when I saw Jack and Rose up on the bow of the Titanic for the first time at age 14. Say what you will, to a teenage girl, there was nothing more amazing than seeing that scene on the big screen.

Missing in Boston...

I just couldn't help myself. Here's what the Boston Missing Connections had to offer this morning (I really cannot stress enough the fact that I'm running out of material right now). Click on the pictures to read them better.

"You Almost Hit My Car On the Icy Roads" m4w 25 (Allston)

I actually thought that this would be a good premise for a crappy rom-com starring Patrick Dempsey and Kate Hudson or something. With a corny title like "Cold Hands, Warm Heart" or "Ice Queen" and in the preview "These Words" by Natasha Beddingfield would be playing. Predictable, of course, because they end up together in the end (no matter the fact it doesn't make any sense for her to give up that awesome job in LA for a guy she's known for two weeks). On another day, I will go off about how much I hate all formula romantic comedies.


"I Like The Skirts You Have Wore As Of Late" m4w (Newton)

I just love this because it reminds me of something that Daniel Cleaver would email to Bridget Jones about the hem of her skirt in an exercise of inappropriate office behavior.

"Bruins Game Show-Off" m4m 31 (Boston Garden)

And finally, this gem in the M4M section of Missed Connections. I don't know why this made me laugh so hard today, maybe it was the idea of this guy (we'll call him Larry) being on a date with his girlfriend (Pam) or out with the boys from the office and wearing his Bruins jersey as he walks into the men's facilities. Then Guy #2 comes along (we'll call him Dirk) all proud of himself, reminding Larry of days past with his roommate in college (his name will be Todd) when they used to play "just the tip..."

Seriously, one could create a whole blog centered solely compromised of Craigslist Missed Connections, Rants and Raves, Erotic Services, and the NSA section. But then one could be accused of having no life.

Nipped and tucked.

"Watching 'Nip/Tuck' after all this time is like doing a line of coke after rehab. You feel bad that you're doing it again but it just feel so good."- Text from Me to Alanna last night.

And so it was true. After taking a hiatus from the show and then the show taking a hiatus from television, Shawn, Christian and I had a joyous, if not a tad disappointing, reunion. Of course, this disappointment was forgotten during the last fifteen minutes with a completely unnecessary double sex scene.

Missing were Julia and Kimber... where did they go? I've tried keeping up with synopses on "Television Without Pity" lately. It was a mistake to stop watching the show after they left Miami and I admit that. Christian and I are getting through it together. It was nice that they recapped the murder attempt by Shawn's sadly pathetic manager Colleen. Lots of blood, yum. What I gather from what I've read so far is this: somehow Christian killed his ex Gina and made it look like suicide so now he has her son Wilbur who he thought was his until Wilbur's birth revealed he was, um, not and somehow Matt slept with his half sister, but only after knocking up Kimber and becoming addicted to Meth. Well now he wants to be a doctor. Rrrright. Because the best doctors are always the former meth-heads. Christian has breast cancer and him and Liz are now friends... which I find odd but comforting.

Other than the beginning (gratuitous violence) and the end (gratuitous wheelchair sex), the middle was a little lacking. Kind of like a sandwich on really good bread with only a slice of cheese in between. However, I was reminded by EW online that this was NOT a season premiere but a season continuation so we're still dealing with last year's BS. So I will give it time.

I did miss it though, a lot. Apparently "over the top" is back in style nowadays, though. So I don't feel bad about it.

6 Days into the Year...

I'm gonna go ahead and be really lame and post this (because thousands have posted it before me). Only because I was singing it for no real reason at all this morning in the shower.



While Jimmy's answer was the hilarious "I'm F'ing Ben Affleck," I still enjoy Sarah's for its simple message. Plus, hers had 100% less Cameron Diaz.

Oh yeah, and this is my week thus far:

1. I bought "Point Break" on Amazon. So I can show little Johnny Utah (Your Last Name Here, Handsome Stranger) his namesake.

2. My desk was Shanghai-ed, my cubicle usurped. All of my iTunes "smart" purchases are lost. I'm back in the horrible place I was before. I'm hoping this will give me the anger that I need to do something with my life.

3. PVille Guy: Not a Douchebag (?). Startling revelation that I'm still notsosureabout.

4. I'm really sick of reruns however I did get to watch "Gossip Girl" for the first time in awhile (skipping the OSU/UT Fiesta Bowl- no thank you, sir).

5. And sadly this is the best part of it all so far: NBC is AMAAAAAZING. Thursday night, Peter Dinklage will be a guest star on "30 Rock." Now, I admit that I should watch this show a lot more than I do but... PETER DINKLAGE. If you don't know who he is, tune in at 9:30 on Thursday. THEN: Saturday Night Live has chosen the most perfect of all the guest hosts... Dr. Horrible/Barney Stinson himself... NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. Yes, the Doogie Howswer, MD kid. Never has there been a better person to host SNL. NEVER. Tune in and you'll see why.

So, that's really all I got going for me on day 24 of no nookie. BLAH.

New Year!

So, to all my friends out there in Internet land, I do wish you a new year full of new experiences and good will. Personally, I'm hoping that my 09 turns out better than my 08. I will keep this blog going as long as I have something irrelevant but funny to say and as long as you guys don't mind complete BS all the time (that was my best skill in school, being able to fill up pages of a blue essay book with nothing of importance but still managing an A or B- at the worst). I'm going to try to put up more of my favorite drink concoctions since those got quite the reaction but, as for everything else, I'm not always going to have good ideas. This whole blogging thing is quite interesting and it will be my challenge to avoid the "self-serving masturbation" quality that personal blogs tend to get. So if I ever sound self-centered, just know that I am- but I'm working on that- and I do realize that there is a big world out there, one outside of my problems where people are starving and have AIDS and Malaria and horrible things like that.

I honestly didn't really expect to get to meet the people (albeit online) that I have or get the support that I've received from something that I started as a joke. So, I know that I have a very small audience, but thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Again, I know this is bordering on the schizo side... but I'm really getting a little twitchy!!!

Best. Movie. Ever.

HOTTTTT.

"This was never about the money, this was about us against the system. That system that kills the human spirit. We stand for something. We are here to show those guys that are inching their way on the freeways in their metal coffins that the human sprit is still alive."- Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) in "Point Break."

Last night I was flipping through stations, trying to figure out what I could watch to distract myself from the fact that I really really need to get laid... and soon. I was quite disappointed with the selection: "24: Redemption" was rerunning and I had already seen it, "The Real Housewives of Orange County" was also on- and I decided I would rather bang my head against the wall then watch the insipid goings-on of spoiled 40 something women, there was sports (blah), and other stuff...

... and then I came across this gem playing on our local crap station. "Point Break" is a 1991 movie about an F!B!I! agent named Johnny Utah (I'm so naming my first born son that) played by Keanu Reeves. He goes undercover to catch a band of bankrobbers known as the "Ex- Presidents" because they wear, you guessed it, masks of the ex-presidents. Lead by free spirit Bodhi (played by a buff Patrick Swayze), they are the extreme of extreme and do anything (like rob banks) to support their crazay lifestyle. Gary Busey and John C. McGinley (Perry Cox, MD from "Scrubs") also star. AND there's this awesome scene with a lawnmower.

Needless to say.... it was magnificent.

See, the "point break" is where a wave breaks on a rocky point and is therefore somehow a metaphor for life and robbing banks, I guess.

I don't care what it means, I still cry at the end when they're on the beach... in Austrailia... and Reeves just lets him go out there. Because you have to pay the ultimate price to do that. Or something.

Check it out, it is the most awesomest movie EVER MADE. I shit you not.

Also, check out "Hot Fuzz." Which just adds to the awesomeness because it is one of Danny's (played by Nick Frost) favorite cop movies ("You ever shoot your gun up in the air and gone 'ahhhhh'?") as he explains to Nick Angel (played by the love of my life, Simon Pegg). He is referring to a key scene when Utah chases Bodhi after robbing a bank and has a clear shot at him and doesn't take it... "because he loves him SOOOO much." Of course, later in "Hot Fuzz," this scene is mimiced with hilarious results. Oh those sassy Brits.



(You should watch all of it, but if you are pressed for time then fast forward to 2:03 so you can see what I mean...)

Sorry if this post seems schizophrenic. But that's how I'm feeling going on day 23 of no sex. Like a Schizo off meds.