At the Movies... again!

Ok so, as I previously mentioned the Golden Globes were on on Sunday. This year, there is an interesting array of fare that harbors on the side of unconventional when it comes to what is considered "the best." For example, "Slumdog Millionaire," as Dan Hopper of BWE.tv points out, was neither "historical nor gay nor three hours long". It's about Indians. In Mumbai. "The Wrestler" stars someone that should be dead by now and Marisa Tomei. And that annoying as hell girl that dated Marilyn Manson.

I live in Ohio. While I would love to see these movies, I simply do not have the time or patience to drive to the Cedar Lee theater and chance getting my car stolen. So I have to pick and choose my battles when it comes time for awards season (and that's usually based, like how I pick up men, on first impressions).

"Slumdog Millionaire." Not interested, not about white people. (Of course I'm kidding. I'm not interested because it's about FOREIGNERS).

"The Wrestler." Who is Mickey Rourke? I'm told he had a career in the early nineties? I don't like wrestling so that's a con. But I DO like strippers. So that's a plus. Hmmm.

"The Reader." Looks like a downer. "The problem with doing a Holocaust film is there's no gag reel on the DVD, is there?"- Ricky Gervais

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." The title is already long enough. I'm bored.

"Revolutionary Road." It's Jack and Rose had they gotten married! Um, why are they yelling so much in the trailer?

"Rachel Getting Married." Can someone please tell Anne Hathaway that she's boring me? Thanks.

"Dark Knight." Two words: Woo and a hoo. Loved. It.

"Wall-E." Umm, can we say Best Motion Picture of the Year? Cause I just did suckas!

"Milk." This movie looks so uplifting! A gay man in office! It's the feel good movie of the year, I'm sure it has a happy ending! Wait... What?

"Vicky Christina Barcelona." Try "Vicky Christina Boring."

"Frost/Nixon." Other than the funniness in the trailer ("What did you do last night? Did you do any FORNICATING?" Oh, tricky Dick...) and the big gasp moment ("When the president does it, it's not illegal!"), I'm just not motivated.

"Doubt." I doubt it. No, for real, this is the only movie that has me somewhat intrigued. I think the Catholic Church is an interesting institution and that nuns are quite complex characters, what with giving up men for God and all. I like Amy Adams and I like Meryl Streep and I love Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So... maybe.

"Changeling." Again, I think the best parts of this movie are in the preview. SO... that saved me $8.50 right there.

Movies for sure avoided: 10 (at 8.50/ticket- current rate in Ohio)
Money saved: $85.00 (that's my cell phone bill, a new pair of pants, or a really nice Coach wristlet bag)

So, as you can see, when it comes to the cinema I have the refined tastes of a 13 year old boy. Only three of these movies have actually made it to our local theaters and I'm sure you can guess which ones I'm talking about. Cleveland is just not a big market for film... an idea that should be tipped off by the fact that the only time celebrities come here is if the Cavs are in the playoffs. Which by the looks of it this year, we're gonna get lucky.

(Honestly, it's really funny to see West 6th turn into Robertson Blvd. Two years ago, Eva Longoria, Jack Nicholson, Beyonce, and Jay Z all forced smiles as they endured our "nightlife.")

Dear Pete Wentz...

Gross.

Dear Pete Wentz,

You confuse me.  So much so that I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts into a cohesive letter, so bare with me please.

When I first saw you, you were playing mediocre (yes, MEDIOCRE) emo music with your band, Fall Out Boy.  Being a Killers fan as well as completely against emo, quite natch' I had to pick a side.  It was not yours.  Then it seemed like there was a bunch of OMG moments like your penis being all over the internet or that you were kissing boys.  While I'm sure many 13 year old girls thought this was so so so scandalous, to the rest of the world (who probably couldn't name three of your songs) it looked like a kid acting out- that is, if anyone else besides 13 year old girls were actually paying attention.  Then you hosted some queer show on MTV on Friday nights.  Last time I checked, most people did not stay home on Fridays to watch any TV much less an obvious 2 hour long commercial for already over-exposed artists. 

We had our fun, though.  Like that one song, "I'm going down down in a merry go round and sugar I'm going down swinging..."? That was fun.  I don't remember what it was called, nor do I remember any of the words besides that one line.  Or the "Arms Race" song.  It had a good beat or something that kept my attention the solid two weeks in 07 I thought that song was totally hot (like Paris Hilton hot).  However, like all emo bands before and all emo bands after, I had to grow out of you.  

By the way, I never, ever, ever thought you were hot.

And now, well... now this.  I have to hear on not one, two, or three, but FOUR celebrity blogs that you like sticking your little Fall Out Boy in the dark place.  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.  I'm not so sure Joe Simpson really wanted to turn on his Sirius radio to Stern this morning and hear all about how his little girl is getting bent over and... well... you know.  I really don't care where you stick it.  I just don't want to hear about it.  Hell, I don't even want to hear about my friends doing that!  

Why are you so adamant about your family's privacy when it comes to photographers taking pictures of you?  I understand that it's a little different then blasting the gory deets about your love life all over the airwaves and that little Bronx Mowgli Kahn Baloo Bagheera Simpson-Wentz is an innocent bystander in all of this (and really, I do feel bad for the kid in more ways then you could ever know).  I get it.  I just don't think that disappointing album sales or lack of interest in your kid's picks (yes, we all know no one wants them despite whatever excuse you might have), really warrants subjecting the whole world to hearing about your kinky sex adventures with your wife.  Or that she wears thongs for lap dances (*shudder* that will haunt my dreams forever).

Also please tell your sister-in-law to just stop trying so hard already.  We get it.  She's a country girl.  

Good luck with fatherhood and all that.

Sincerely,

CJ