Amusement.

Ron Winter Drums

Quite possibly the best thing ever. (BWE.tv)

I've already made two tracks that are ten times better than anything Kanye has put out this year.  I personally like the George Michael "UGH!" paired with the David Bowie "Let's Dance" thing.  And all the day-glo.  This is better than anti-depressants.  Kalyn is already plotting my death.

Classics in Neuroses.

So, I was driving home last night in my "new" busted Cutlass Cierra (blogging does not make you rich). The thing has pep for a car that is fifteen years old. Before I knew it I was gliding up and down and around the back roads of Geauga County, Ohio and enjoying the fact that the sun sets later and later every day.

(So yeah, I have a nasty habit of joyriding. I'm a huge fan of "Left, Right, Straight." My car is a gas guzzler. I am probably the number one cause of global warming since I like to drive around aimlessly- I did when gas was at $4/gallon too.)

Back to last night. Driving along, listening to local pop radio and then... T.I. comes waltzing into my life again. I don't have a problem with T.I. and I hope he doesn't end up going to jail for the rest of his life on whatever bogus weapons charge they are using to make an example of him. He didn't beat his girlfriend (that we know of) and he didn't shoot anyone (that we know of).

And another backtrack: When T.I. first got big it was with "What You Know" back in 06. I had transferred from Miami of Ohio (aka Lilly White University) and was going to school at Kent State. I had met a boy the previous fall while visiting one of my best friends, it was her brother. It was the biggest thing to have happened to me up to that point. He would become my first love and, for while, the most important person in my life other than family. I'm sure you see where this is going- that boy was the infamous John, of stolen hat fame. T.I. and his string of inescapable hits off of King became the soundtrack to our summer.

Last October, the last time John and I saw each other and the brief 2 hours where we both reconsidered starting up again, it was "Whatever You Like" playing on the Honda stereo as we both looked at each other and wondered where to go next and if it would be together. It sounds really melodramatic and it probably was a scene worthy of the OC, but I will always consider this the turning point between us. Before I got out of the car he hugged me- holding on like he would never see me again. I couldn't understand why.

As you may have guessed, hearing T.I. on the radio is pretty tough for me.

So, there I was in the Cutlass and 96.5 starts up with the opening to "Whatever You Like." And I can't help but go back to that day in the car. "Do you love him?" he asked me (regarding PVille). "I think I could," I said. "Or at least owe it to myself to try." We rode around Mentor and Willoughby and Eastlake, where he's from. Half-joking, I suggested we go to the beach- the scene of one of our first hookups. We started out in that direction before deciding to turn back. It was a literal road that would only lead to more heartbreak. "Do you love her?" I asked about FCOG. He shrugged. It was the calm before the storm, to borrow a cliche.

Of course now, in my rusty Oldsmobile, in March of 09, I am fleeing back to my house. Frantic to get home. Frantic to talk to him. Tears streaming down my face, I run through a stop sign. I just needed to say something- anything- just hear his voice again. I forgot about everything that had happened and all the fights. It's an incessant need- an urge- a craving just to know that I'm still in his universe. A thought in the back of his head. I ran into my house and dug my cell out of my purse.

I looked at the number. (It's his house number.) Took a deep breath. Pressed send. No one was there.

And then, I realized the insanity of what I was doing. Why was I calling him? What good would this bring, if any?  At the best it would be a casual conversation, peppered in small talk.  At the worst- and heartbreakingly so- he would tell me to "Fucking go to Hell." So, of course, I immediately texted my sponsor.

ME: Having a meltdown here... Just called John's house. WTF is wrong with me?

ALANNA (were you expecting someone else?): WHY did you call his house?

ME: Idk. Idk. Idk. (Sorry, but that is my favorite and most used text lingo.)  No one was home. I was driving home and I heard TI. Damn TI. And I started missing him and the next thing I knew I was home and dialing the number for his house...

ALANNA: You need to break your unhealthy relationship habit. C-U-T-O-F-F. CUT OFF. Go ahead and miss him but contacting him will only result in heartache.

ME: I know... I don't know why I did it. It was like an alcoholic not realizing they are actually drinking a beer...

So, yes. I freaked out. And yes, I still think about John. All.the.time. I hope this gives you people out there an insight either to just how messed up I am or to how bad breakups and their resonance really are.  My sister says that I'm still in the "1/3 Zone"- a rule that says you can lament about someone for 1/3 of the time you were with them.  I always thought it was the "1/2 Rule"- guess even that downsized.  So I guess that means I can be like this until next September/October.  I don't want to be like this until October.  I hate going for weeks thinking I'm ok and then, because some T.I. song comes on, I go into withdrawal.

UGGHHHHH.

(Although it's funny I have everybody and their brother suggesting setups for me.  I really just think I need to be alone and get through this without hurting anyone else.)

Dance Party!

Back in college, we decided to go prude. Yes, that kind of prude. It was a decision made after a lot of drinks and the realization that maybe we were all just big sluts. I don't recall the details, just that in the end none of us really adhered to the Prude Movement of 04. So lately, after E. Soul and all, I'm thinking it's time to make a Prude Tour comeback.

So here's a song to listen to while you ponder that.



"So come on baby, why don't you show some class? Why you wanna move so fast?"

Sing it, Jermaine.

You know what's really sad about this song? He died of complications caused by AIDS (liver cancer, I believe).

Lonely Hearts Club. (the original soundtrack.)

Yeah, yeah- I'm temporarily back. I've been a little distracted as of late between looking for Boston apartments, trying to figure out the mindfuck that is "Lost," and tax season (which is done for me as of 9:00 am EST this morning- I like to file ASAP). In all of this I decided to create a Valentine's Day mix. Originally for PVille guy, meant only as a "Here's some cool music in the form of a cheap homemade mix cd to tell you on this Valentine's Day that I enjoy occasionally having sex with you when I'm bored." Although the less interested (read: more bored) I become with him, the more I seem to be making this cd for my own benefit to assure the fact that I can still organize good songs that share a similar theme into a cohesive playlist with a rise and fall, blending together effortlessly. Alanna has perfected this art and only a couple of my efforts ("Going Home for Turkey Day 2003" and "Miami Graduation Present/Goodbye Alamo") have come close to a seamless compilation.

The goal of the mix cd/tape (depending on how old you are) is to make the recipient listen to the whole cd without wanting to skip ahead or turn it off. Also, it should be said that the art of the mixed tape is oft abused by mopey boyfriends and horny college frat boys (who think that any combination of DMB, John Mayer, Guster, and whatever the college band du jour is will get them laid). Case in point, a friend of ours at Miami of Ohio asked if Alanna would craft a "lovemaking" cd for him and his girlfriend (one of our other roommates). In an act of rebellion and disgust (and an earlier example of an exercise in childish behavior), we "accidently" slipped "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails to "spice" up the moment with his virginal girlfriend. Nothing says love me tender like "I wanna fuck you like an animal." *

So, getting back to me- it's still a work in progress but here's what I got so far (with accompanying liner notes):

1. "Sometime Around Midnight" by the Airborne Toxic Event (it's awesome)

2. "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band (which I really debated on due to its college dorm room feel)

3. "Satellite" also by Dave Matthews Band (because it's my favorite song- sorry, but I still have some Miami girl left in me, also when this was originally for PVille guy it was important because that's his favorite band)

4. "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional (I heard this song on "Scrubs."  I liked it. This does not, NOT, mean I like the band.)

5. "Put A Little Love In It" by Ike Reilly

6. "Commie Drives A Nova" also by Ike Reilly (ok, I understand that one of the unspoken rules of mixes is to try to not repeat artists but I love both of these songs and think they add some levity to the whole cd. also, If i need to cut somebody, then I can choose between the two).

7. "Squeezebox" by the Who (again, another PVille guy reference because he hates them but I think this song is funny and somewhat relevant to the bra size I wear).

8. "Every Little Thing She Does" by the Police(an addition made after thinking I didn't want to give this cd away. this song makes me happy)

9. "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon (title self explanatory)

10. "Good Feeling" by Violent Femmes. (to give myself indie "street cred". also love it because it is marshall and lily's "song" on "how i met your mother.")

12. "Don't Panic" by Coldplay (not exactly a love song, but definitely an important track on the soundtrack of Pville and I)

13. "All I Want Is You" by U2.  (it's not Valentine's Day without Bono.  it's not meloncholy without Ireland).

14. "La La Love Song" by the Pixies.  (I love the Pixies.  That is all.  Actually, "Where Is My Mind" would have made more sense in it's nonsense, if you can make sense of that.)

15.  "Lovesong" by the Cure.  (again, Valentine's Day + Melancholy.)

Like I said, it's still a work in progress (I have 14 days + to go so I'm not worried).  As for who gets it, maybe PVille Guy but probably not.  I totally want to use the above piece as cover art.  The site listed below is where I'm still finding inspiration:

Indie Selections for Your Erection

Any thoughts???

*I apologize for the amount of " " in that sentence- now I feel like that guy everyone hates who always uses them in casual conversation.

Paparazzi.

While the rest of the world is obsessing over Britney's "comeback," Kelly Clarkson's new single, and Christina Aguilera's Target Commercial, this chick keeps pumping out BRILLIANT pop songs. BRILLiant. It could be because this song was used in the Hamptons episode of "Gossip Girl" with a kiss between Serena and Nate (and for those who watch this show, I think it's time that Serena and Nate reunited. I'm so bored of Dan "Pansey" Humphrey). It could be because the beat is just awesome and I can't help not to start dancing at my desk. I don't know. All I know is that this song is hypnotic. AND I LOVE IT.

I'm sorry, but I had to post this song. I don't want to post songs because that's ripping on Chez's thing over at DeusExMalcontent.com (and really, I agree with him 99% of the time). However, I think if you like pop music, then you should listen to Lady Gaga.

Oh, and I totally think that Aguilera ripped off her style.

50!

FUTURE PARTY GUESTS...

Well, I'm going to NOT post something to celebrate that this little hobby has kept my attention for a full month and fifty posts. Instead, I would like to share with you my weird experience this morning.

So all day yesterday I was singing "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. While it is a pretty popular song, it's from 1998 or something around there and usually doesn't play a lot out here on Ohio radio. We have a couple of "alternative" stations, one of them is 92.3. Unfortunately, it had been playing Rover's Morning Glory, a shock jock testosterone-fueled morning show that previous boyfriends had made me listen to until my head was about to explode. Well that got cancelled, which is AWESOME. And now 92.3, starting this week, has done away with any and all DJs and now just plays on random to save money (it was on the news last night). Poor DJs, but good for me!

So what is the first song I hear when I turn the radio on this morning? "Criminal"! Coincidence you say? How about the fact that before "Criminal" was stuck in my head... I was singing "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" by the Beastie Boys yesterday. Guess what the next song was? Yep. No. Sleep. Till BRROOKLYNNNN!

So you're probably all, "Who gives a fuck?" And really, no one does. I just thought it was oddly coincidental that I predicted the first two songs to play this morning without even realizing it on a station that only JUST started playing music in the morning again. It wasn't like a top 40 station. That's easy: it'll be a Rhianna song or it'll be a song with T-Payne in the background on his decoder. These were random songs from 10+ years ago.

I'm psychic.

So when I remembered my dreams from last night... I knew good things would be ahead. For example, I had a dream that I was dating the older plastic surgeon whose name I can never remember on "House." Not Olivia Wilde, not Omar Epps, not Kal Penn, not Hugh Laurie, no Sean Patrick Leonard (although Wilson is fiiiine)... the other guy. Reaffirming my theory that I love middle-aged men (by the way, I have a sudden reinterest in "House" after not watching for 2 years).

Then I had to get up to let my dog out at 1am.

Then I went back to sleep and had a dream I was at an 80s hip hop party and Simon Pegg (who I am so in love with that it's crossing over into delirious fantasy) was spinning on the turntable while Nick Frost did some awesome b-boy moves on a piece of cardboard.

Naturally I came to the conclusion that upon moving to Boston, I will date a plastic surgeon and have awesome hip hop parties at the new apartment where British actors come and entertain me.

November Daze: the Soundtrack.

You probably think I don't have a job. Rest assured, though, I do. I work as a project coordinator for a development firm. Right now we are slow so I spend most of my time over-thinking things and surfing the 'net on my Mac OS X at the office. So I thought, what could I do in the confines of this lovely office if I could do whatever I wanted. So I decided to put together the most awesome, most perfect soundtrack as we begin the grayness that is the month of November. You may/may not have heard of a lot of these songs. You may/may not care. However, I am pledging to keep the next three days drama free (No Drama Weekend) so I really am lacking in hot material today

So, here is my attempt at a decent november soundtrack (apologies if it sounds like something from "Grey's Anatomy"):



1. "DC Sleeps Alone Tonight" by Postal Service. (in my opinion one of the best post breakup songs ever.)



2. "Take Ecstasy with Me" by Magnetic Fields. (when i hear this song i picture flurries of white snow on a gray day.)

3. "Run" by Snow Patrol

4. "1234" by Feist



5. "Evil" by Interpol (i don't know why. the song is just great and i love the video).



6. "Hazy Shade of Winter" by the Bangles (it was getting a little to melodramatic- needed to pick it up. andrew mccarthy, james spader, downey jr., and jamie gertz always make me happy- watch "less than zero." so wonderful.).

7. "Homecoming" by Kanye West, feat. Chris Martin. (It's really just good to bump it with the piano and the midwest love affair lyrics).



8. "Don't Panic" by Coldplay. (again, I just love the song so much and it's a wink to hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy)

9. "Grey Street" by DMB. (a nod to PVille guy- :( )

11. "Breath Me" by Sia. ("6 feet" is possibly the best show ever put on tv.)



12. "I will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab. (sounds really creepy and it is- to me anyway. and no, death cab is not emo.)

13. "Woman's Work" by Maxwell (i adore the kate bush version, but i needed a little more hot r&b singer...)

14. "Ocean Breathes Salty" by Modest Mouse (just more moody music but more upbeat this time).



15. I really want to just put every U2 song ever written in here. So I'm going to go with "Walk On" to close it up. (it's not the official video because i couldn't find one i could embed, but this song really gets me out of bed in the morning. i love bono.)

So, you may like it, you may not. You also may have found some new bands to look into today (although I'm really hoping that you've heard of DMB, U2, and Kanye West because otherwise I would have to question if you'd been living under a rock for the past decade). It's too labor intensive to find all of the YouTube links and put them in, plus the post would be like five miles long. You may have to do some research on your own.