New Year's Eve plans.

Things I could be doing on Wednesday night rather than sitting at home and falling asleep at 10:38:

Hmm...


I could be watching the Jo Bros and Taylor Swifty McSwifterson on Ryan Seacrest's Hijacked Pre-Recorded Rockin New Year's Eve featuring special greeting by a half-dead Dick Clark...

Writing "Fuck 2008" in kerosene on my front lawn and then dropping a match at 12:00...

Sending out a mass email blast stating that I have all of the following STDs (followed, of course by a very detailed list and description of symptoms, pictures included) to everyone I've slept with in the past 7 years of my sexually active life with subject line, "Happy New Year, And By The Way...". Concluding with the words JUST KIDDING, BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS- GET TESTED. THIS PSA BROUGHT TO YOU BY ME, BECAUSE I CARE...

Sitting in silence in my mother's boyfriend's living room, questioning the purpose of my life and staring at the newly installed crown molding, while the old folks play a marathon of gin rummy...

Making Thank You "for turning me into an Ice Queen who will never trust another man, ultimately taking out her repressed anger toward all men on the poor schmuck who ends up marrying her..." cards to send to the last three or four guys I've dated...

Kidnapping a little kid from the daycare next door and feed him a lot of sugar and cookies and chocolate before returning him, saying "I just found him wandering in the strip mall parking lot across the street. He was like this when I found him. I swear!"...

Going to a fancy restaurant, order really expensive champagne, a really expensive filet mignon, make them break open the 20 year old scotch, and then dash/dine (give em the ol' slip)... BUT! Leave a $100 cash tip for the waitress...- of course this will be thwarted by my inherited clumsiness (big feet + top heaviness means that I can rarely get away with anything quickly).

Teaching myself how to play "Teardrops on My Guitar" and go play outside of John's bedroom to see how much he freaks out (of course substituting John for Drew- John loooooks at meeee, I fake a smile so he wooon't seeee...)...

Having a dance party. By myself. To "Jizz in My Pants." On repeat. Wait! Mix "Jizz" with "Shake It." OK, that sounds gross (ribbed for her pleasure, ewwwww). Ok, "Jizz," "Shake It," "Womanizer," and "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off." I don't know why but I'm really liking that song again, plus it throws off the whole "2008 was all about the sex" theme I had going...

Writing my list of goals for 2009 (see next post)...

Getting in my flannel pajamas, grab a box of tissues and some chocolate and watch "Sleepless in Seattle" as I mouth the words and hold my mother's cat hostage in my lap (it's as close to masochism that I get, people)... - actually this is more of a Valentine's Day activity

So yeah. Looking at those choices, I think I'm just gonna go ahead and take some Vicodin/I mean drink a glass of wine and go to bed.