Resolution 2009.

1. Move. To Boston. To Queens. To Compton. I don't care. I just need to get out of here.

2. Learn to play guitar. Go to college parties. Drown out other annoying person playing Mayer and Dave with obnoxious renditions of the 504 Boyz "I Can Tell You Wanna Fuck" and "Candyshop" by Fifty Cent ("Everybody all together now- I'll take you to the, what what, CANDYSHOP...")

3. Marry Bill Hader (SNL).

4. Well, first I need to get the restraining order reversed. Then I'll marry Bill Hader.

5. Also, get Jon Hamm restraining order reversed, or at least lessened to 250 yards.

6. But really folks, I want to find a nice guy. And if he does a really good Vincent Price impression, that'd be ok too.

7. Train Lucky to locate drugs, er, I mean cancer. Train Lucky to be one of those cancer sniffing dogs. He really needs to pick up a skill and get a job or I'm kicking him out. Otherwise, I'm just enabling him.

8. Be completely fabulous and make sure John knows it. Related: Not have a baby.

9. Watch "Friday Night Lights" when season 3 premieres on NBC in February. Because I was told that if I loved good TV, that I really should be watching this. Also, I need to start watching more "Chuck" and less "Gossip Girl." But... Chuck Bass... and Blair... Little J... and I have to... but I mustn't. It's not going to be easy.

10. Read a book a week. This means 52 books. I realized that my brain is Jell-O recently and that's just simply not acceptable. So I will read again.

and because everyone else does it:

11. Go to the gym. I really should. I miss my 2005 Hot Waitress Bod. Not saying I'm not hot, not saying that at all, but I used to be able to run back and forth with a heavy tray without needed to stop to catch my breath. "Wall-E" was really a wake up call for me.

Oh, and one more:

12. Get my dream job: Craft Services for Saturday Night Live. I'm coming Bill.