I hope Jesus forgives me.

So, I have a confession to make. It is one that haunts me every Christmas- especially because I live in Cleveland and this is considered sacrilege... what's that? I'm not a browns fan? Yes, that's true but I feel that this may be even worse. Ready?

Seriously... this is bad.


I've never....


...actually seen "A Christmas Story." Ahhhhh! I know, I know. I'm sorry. Calm down. I told you it was bad. The funny thing is I get worse reactions to that here then I probably would if I told them that I was holding key evidence in the Marilyn Shepherd murder case for all these years.  Or that I really really hate the Browns.  Or that I think the Rock Hall is more of an eyesore then a tourist attraction and the whole thing should be moved to New York since it costs us more money then it makes us.  Or that I think the Cuyahoga River stinks to high heaven (burn on, biiig river, burn on).  

No, "A Christmas Story" is sacred here.  "But CJ," you ask "didn't that take place in Indiana or something?"  And you'd be right.  However, many key scenes (including in the department store) were filmed right here in the Cleve.  Ralphie's house is actually located here in Cleveland and is now a museum for fans of the film.  I think it's great that it's had such a long lasting legacy here.  You don't see a "Scarface" Museum at Tony Montana's mansion in Meeey-ami do you?  Or a Gump museum in Greenbow (ha, because Greenbow doesn't exist)?  Or a "Titanic" museum- oh wait, nevermind.   That we are part of such a film classic (considering that Hollywood hated us so much that they refused to film a movie about our own baseball team here- "Major League" was filmed mostly in Minnesota) is kind of comforting for culture vultures like myself.

That being said, I really just never have the patience to watch it.  "I thought you watched that when you were little?" my mom always says.  And I shake my head.  Because, save for the usual "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!," I have no idea what it's all about.  A kid and a gun and a lamp and Santa and a dad... I dunno.  

Call me sacrilegious, call me a phony, call me a Grinch.  Either way, I'm not going to make sure I catch it one of the 122,000,000+ times it will be on this week (including the 24 hour marathon on Christmas- which really pisses me off in itself).  The movie is the same age that I am, which doesn't mean it's bad but really kind of puts off first time viewers.

I realize that I am now "un-datable" to the many, many (ha) men that read this.